A Letter to my First-Born

In May, you all read my letter to my second-born son, Cooper, for his second birthday.  Today is all about my first-born, Sam, who is FOUR years old today.  Here's to you, Sammie...

Dear Sam,

Four years ago, I became a mother for the very first time.  Although I had just turned 24 years old a few weeks before that, I felt like I had been waiting for that moment forever.  I always wanted to be a mommy, and considering your daddy and I have been together since we were sixteen years old, I had been thinking about our family for a long time!  When I found out I was pregnant, I can't explain the rush of excitement...it was like I was on a roller coaster.  I loved being pregnant, and couldn't wait to see the face of our firstborn.  We knew your name would be Sam, either boy or girl, because you are named after my Grandpa Sam.  When we found out you were a boy, I was so excited. I always wanted to have a boy first, for some reason.

The last month or so of the pregnancy was a little rough, with some false alarms and trips to the hospital.  But, on the morning of August 22nd, 2008, I just knew that it was the day.  I was going to be a mommy! Your Grandma and Grandpa drove me to the hospital, and they confirmed--I was having a baby that day!  Daddy came from work, and at 5:51pm you arrived...and WHAT an arrival it was! Since you were my first baby, I didn't have anything to compare you to, so I had no concept of how big you were. When they weighed you, the doctor said "weigh him again".  I couldn't see the scale, but I heard her repeat the words "weigh him again".  After the third time weighing you, they confirmed:  10 pounds 1 ounce!  I could NOT believe it! And 22 1/4 inches long! You were HUGE!

Just a short time after you were born, the room was filled with so many family and friends that had been anxiously awaiting your arrival.  It was such a wonderful moment; one I will never forget.  Your four grandparents were the first ones to come in, and when my dad (your grandpa Roark) found out that your name was Samuel Roark, the look on his face was priceless. Priceless.  Such sweet, sweet memories. Those first few days in the hospital were filled with visitors and time for daddy and I to fall completely in love with you.  When we brought you home, we were greeted with another big group of people who love you.  Such a lucky baby!

Turns out you were the only baby we brought home to our first house.  When we sold our house, we moved in with your Grandma and Grandpa, and those were some good times.  We filled their house with stuff (and I mean filled), but the fact that their first and only grandson was living in their house kind of outweighed that issue! You loved living there, having so many people loving on you and spoiling you every day.  You were a good baby, you slept through the night and didn't fuss much at all.  When you turned a year old, it was QUITE the event. Again, you are so lucky!

By the time we found a new house, Mommy was nearly 8 months pregnant with your brother. We were still living with Grandma and Grandpa, and you were still my only baby.  You loved reading books, walking to the bridge, and watching your favorite movie, "Country Bears".  When your brother arrived, you were quite the new man...you were SO rough on him! (granted, you were only 21 months old...it's only natural!)  It took some time to get you used to the idea of baby brother, but after a while you did good and grew to love baby Cooper.  We moved into our home, and you enjoyed showing everyone your new frog room and giving them the tour of your house.

You celebrated your 2nd birthday at the end of our first summer in the house.  I couldn't believe you were 2 years old.  We took your picture by the tree out front, and before I knew it we were taking it again for your 3rd birthday. And now...ANOTHER year has passed! You've grown up so much since we moved in here.  You still love reading books and walking to the bridge or the park, but Country Bears has been replaced by Batman, Cars, and Shrek.  You are still too rough on your brother, but at the same time the two of you are the best of friends.  I hope you never forget how much you two loved each other...how he follows you around and says and does everything that you say and do.  How you play Batman and Robin, running around chasing the bad guys. 

You are my big boy now, Sam.  You sleep all night, you get yourself dressed in the morning, you get yourself a drink and you go to the bathroom all by yourself.  You help me pick up the toys, you watch out for your brother, and you take care of your brand-new baby sister.  All year you have told people that you wanted your sister to come for your birthday.  Well, she arrived 3 weeks early, so she will be here for your birthday! In these days since I brought Nora home, I have thought so much about those days after I brought my first baby home.  A LOT has happened in the past four years, but a mother never forgets those moments with her first baby...when we don't know what to expect, when we worry about every little thing, when we don't have anything else to do all day besides sit and stare at your beautiful little face.

Today you are four years old, Samuel Roark, but a part of me will always look at you and see that little (well, not THAT little, I guess!) baby boy laying there on my chest looking at me in the eyes for the very first time.  There is nothing in this world like meeting your children, and there's just something about the first...

...and until you have a firstborn of your own (which I hope I'm around to meet, too!), you will never know how much your Mommy and Daddy love you.  I hope and pray that you have a life filled with laughter, happy memories, and as little sadness or hurting as possible.  That is my job as your mommy, and I hope to do it well.  As for now, please stop growing so fast (you are already the size of a six year old!), and remember that to us, you are everything.  We are proud of the little man you have become, and we look forward to seeing the boy you grow up to be.  Happy birthday, my little man. I love you to the moon and back.